Monday, February 14, 2005

Join Millions Across the Globe!! This is Jack Van Impe Presents!!! (aired Jan 22)

In case you don't know, Dr. Jack Van Impe (pronounced "Impey") and his wife Rexella have a weekly tv show where they discuss important relevant global issues and then tell you where in the bible it says that it's a sign that Jesus is coming. And that you're going to hell.

1:00 - Rexella ponders whether or not children really pay attention in church, and whether they really understand the sermons. Hello? Kids don’t pay attention to anything in church, kids don’t like church, it’s boring, the pews are hard, and there are cartoons to be watched at home. The fear of not being raptured hasn’t yet been instilled in them so they have little reason to pay attention. Whoa, Jack just admitted that when he was a kid he was a “lover of pleasure more than a lover of God”, (which according to 2 Timothy 3:4 is a sign of the end). We also know that Jack played the accordion when he was young, so I'm not sure exactly what he means by "pleasurable". Anyways, show me a kid who loves God more than pleasure and I’ll show you a maladjusted demented child who, in all likelihood, doesn’t have any friends.

16:00 – THE OFFER OF THE WEEK!! Another Hitler Rising! Where? (Europe!) When? (Soon!) Why? (Because the bible says so!) Don’t buy it people, I just answered all the questions.

I’ve been getting a lot of hits for “Another Hitler Rising”. That’s somewhat concerning. I wonder if it’s because people are afraid of another Hitler rising, or if they’re saying to themselves, “Well, it’s about time!” I personally think that the animals in heaven DVD was more interesting. Maybe it should have been called, “Animals in heaven, except for the pigs, because they were all sent to hell to feed all the Jewish people.”

Anyways, this show is crap. There’s too much talk about persecuting jews. It’s just not as funny as animals in heaven or tsunamis.

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