Paul's Book Club (not to be confused with Oprah's)

This is a little different than Oprah's club. I haven't read this book, nor do I plan on ever reading it. Join my club, don't read this book!

Now this one is a little different. You see, when you spend hours driving back and forth to the cottage, you need something to make the time go faster. We figured that being drunk might do it, but alcohol is expensive, so we decided that reading books might be a good way to a) pass the time, and b) learn something while you're in the car for hours at a time, plus, books from the library are FREE! Regardless, it didn't take too long to realize that reading out loud for an extended period of time is even worse than reading in your head for any length of time, so we moved on to the next best thing. That's right, books on tape.

Dante's Inferno from The Divine Comedy.



(I like the braille on the cover too. I guess it's good to know that blind people don't like to read either.)

This one lasted about 5 minutes before I said, "What the hell is he talking about? If I'd been reading this book, I would have put it down about 4 minutes ago." It's read by some boring english guy too, which makes it even more sleep inducing (not good when you're on the highway). The only thing that would make this book on tape tolerable would be if it were actually Jessica Alba doing the reading, and instead of reading Dante's Inferno she was reading Penthouse Forum. Or, I suppose she could be reading Dante's Inferno while manually stimulating herself, I suppose that might make it better. That gives me a great idea! I'm going to start a series of books on tape titled, "Great Works of Literature read by some hot chick masturbating". Teenaged boys will line up for blocks waiting to learn all about Charles Dickens and Jane Austen. I imagine War and Peace will be a best seller, but I'd have to find a hot chick who really likes masturbating. Maybe I'd have to have a couple different ones for the longer books, but those details can be sorted out later. Damn, open auditions start today! I think the first book I'll do is Schindler's List. Is it in poor taste to read Schindler's List while pleasuring yourself? I'd say 'probably', but it's pretty subjective.

Anyway, join my book club, don't read this book (or listen to it, or look at it) today (unless, of course, it's being read by a hot chick masturbating).