Christmas at Walmart

OJ Simpson - "If I Did It"

Or, the alternate titles, "How I Killed Your Mom", or, "I'm a Big Selfish Asshole Who Got Away With Murder".

This to me is the most abhorrent thing for someone to do (even worse than K-Fed blackmailing Britney with a sex tape). If I'd written the book, it would be in poor taste, but the guy who everyone thinks did it anyways, and whose own children's mother is the victim who he is going to describe murdering makes it so much worse. Having said that, if I were going to write an account of "If I'd Murdered Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman" it'd go a lttle something like this -

Paul (on the phone) - "Hello, is there an OJ Simpson there please?"
OJ - "Yes, this is OJ"
Paul - "Hey OJ, if I give you 50 bucks, will you murder your ex-wife and her friend?"
OJ - "Yeah, sure. I was thinking about doing it anyways."
Paul - "Cool, thanks."

I'm not sure there's enough there for an entire book though, but I think I could expand it a little and maybe throw in some pictures.

Britney Spears Sex Video

Apparently Britney and K-Fed made a sex tape and now he's blackmailing her with it. He's such a kind and caring parent. (Question: Who has custody of his kids from his previous relationship? Answer: Some poor woman who isn't Britney Spears.)



K-Fed - "Hey Britney, you work that mic nice, want to make a sex tape?"
Brit - "Let me get this straight, you're asking me, Britney Spears, a super celebrity with legions of young fans, who is constantly scrutinized by the media to have sex with you and tape it?"
K-Fed - "That's right baby"
Brit - "Ok, sure."
K-Fed - "Alright, on the floor, and move it real fast.
I want to see your kitty and a little bit of titty."
Brit - "Oh K-Fed, you're such a poet!"
K-Fed - "Hey, you're right, give me a sec to write that down."

Public Service Announcement

Old News

Let's just call this post, "Old News". What's old news you ask? Well, did you hear that Britney Spears has filed for divorce? If you're sitting there thinking to yourself, "Hmmm, I really hadn't heard that", then you're a dirty filthy liar. I was going to then ask a question about some other potentially relevant global issue that nobody knows much about, but I don't know of any. I've been too busy watching America's Next Top Model to keep up to date on stuff that isn't really important. Maybe if parliament had amusing contests were wannabe models dressed up in skimpy swimsuits and the UN gave away $1000000 for 'surviving' in some third world country I'd be more interested.

Person 1 - "Did you hear that they passed a new law that states ... (by now I've stopped listening)"
Me - "Does it affect my ability to watch brainless crap on tv??"
Person 1 - "No"
Me - "Can you believe that they kicked the Indian girl off? That's crazy!"

Where was I?? Oh yeah, Britney Spears is getting divorced. Speaking of kicking unwanted crap to the curb, does anyone know how to get the stink out of a counter-top composter? Mine stinks.

Noel Gallagher Unplugged

In Toronto, on Tuesday November 7, and I'd kill to go, but, since I'm not willing to pay $1000 on eBay for tickets, I'm stuck listening to it on the radio. It's pretty cool that they're broadcasting it. 9 EST if anyone cares.

Huh?

I've noticed on some people's blogs a link to a site where you can buy 'stuff' that, I suppose, is somewhat related to their blog. A good example is this one. Now, I have a problem with this for a couple of reasons. The first is, why does this individual think that I (or anyone else) should have to (or wants to) pay their hard earned money for a shirt, or coaster, or any other piece of, well, crap that has their name/picture on it. I mean, I'm not going to spend money on a piece of crap that has Jessica Alba or Kate Beckinsale on it, and they're famous and recognizable. My second (lesser) problem is that someone has enough disposable income to buy this stuff. There must be a market for it, else it wouldn't exist. Now, granted, nobody is forcing anyone to buy it, but, just offering it seems a bit self-important, does it not?

Having said all that, if anyone wants to wear a shirt with my blog title spewed across it, not only will I create this shirt, I'll mail it to you. For the low, low cost of sending me a picture of you wearing it.

My shirt would look like this -



Of course, I don't really expect anyone to want this shirt, nor would I expect anyone to pay for it, as, it's a crappy shirt with a blog title on it that nobody reads. I imagine it would cost about $20 each to make and ship them, so I hope nobody wants them.