Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Please, just cut my hair...

When you're as attractive as I am, you have to spend a little more time grooming than others (read "ugly people"). Anyways, when I was at First Choice (getting a $10 haircut) the hairdresser was distracted because people were parking beside her car, so she kept checking the lot (I checked the lot on the way out and there was no car there worth worrying about). She was clearly distracted, which made me a little nervous. I'm nervous in general at the hairdressers (because you get what you pay for, and I only pay about $10) so the added stress of the First Choice hairdresser being distracted made it even worse. AND, speaking of distracting, I don't like chatting with the hairdresser. I want a haircut, not small talk about the weather. "Yes, it's hot outside, now please just cut my hair", "Yes, I work around here, just keep cutting please." Why fill a perfectly good silent 15 minutes with mindless blabber?

Monday, May 29, 2006

Poker

Online Poker

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 8586190

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Flea Market

Last year (or maybe it was longer ago than that) I was at the local flea market - not really to buy anything of course, just to hang with the commoners. It helps keep me grounded. Anyways, I bought socks. That's right, 12 pairs for $11.99 - you really can't beat that, UNLESS you bargain the guy down to $10.99 by threatening to go to that other guy (who looks suspiciously like the guy you're talking to) to buy it from him. I'm quite the shrewd businessman, I don't pay more than 92 cents for a pair of socks. The point was, I've washed those socks at least 25 times and they still leave a load of fluff on my feet when I take them off. Where the hell does it come from? You'd think that there'd come a time when all the fluff that was going to come off has come off, and you'd think that it would only take a few washes to reach that point. Well, if you're one who'd think that, then you'd be wrong.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Join Millions Around the Globe!! This is Jack Van Impe Presents!! (aired April 15)

In case you didn't know, Dr. Jack Van Impe (pronounced "Impey") and his wife Rexella have a weekly tv show where they discuss important relevant global issues and then tell you where in the bible it says that it's a sign that Jesus is coming. And that you're going to hell.

3:00 – Jack says that when we are raptured our bodies are changed to look like Jesus’. Men and women alike, which, kind of sucks. How good can heaven be if everyone looks like a bearded carpenter? What about sex? Isn’t there sex in heaven? I guess not, because, everyone knows that gay sex is sinful and there’s no room for that in heaven. This leaves a bunch of Jesus clones sitting around heaven... doing what? Probably nothign fun. I bet Satan would make all the women look like Jessica Alba if you asked nicely.

5:00 - Jack jokes about needing a head transplant. That’s no joke Jack, that's the TRUTH!

10:00 -Apparently there are some catholic ‘truth squads’ who are exposing the lies of the DaVinci Code. One of the lies is that Jesus as a boy pushed a kid off the roof killing him, and then brought him back to life (because he’s the son of God he has powers like that). I don't know if that's true, but that’s what I’d do I had the ability to bring people back to life. Actually, that would be a pretty cool power. If there was a long line at Costco or Walmart, I’d just kill everyone in the line, pay for my stuff, then bring them all back. Or just leave them there, whatever.

13:48 - GLOBAL HEADLINES!! Yay!! Rexella ponders the fairness of there being more billionaires now, while there are still starving children. I guess she hasn't heard of ‘survival of the fittest'. If life were supposed to be fair, God would have made it fair. Anyways, Jack doesn’t care about the starving children, he’s excited that it’s a sign! Rexella then asks, "Should business execs meet at strip clubs??" Surprisingly enough, the answer is 'no', but then Jack explains that these people who lust after strippers etc. won’t make it into the kingdom of heaven (1st Corinthians 6 v9-11). Well, if the kingdom of heaven is anything like he described earlier (ie. it's full of Jesus clones), maybe it's not the place for people who enjoy strip clubs (ie. everyone).

19:42 – Now, this is important. How do we know that the revived Roman Empire is the EU, which is the final world government? Well, what did the Romans use for a numbering system? Roman numerals!! (funny how that worked out) What are the values for Roman numerals? I = 1, V = 5, X = 10, L=50, C=100 and D=500. Ok people, are you ready for this?? ADD THEM TOGETHER!! That’s right, you get 666, which is the mark of the beast, or anti-christ, and well, I don’t remember exactly what the point was, but I think it had to do with Jesus, or God.
ALSO, if you number our alphabet using multiples of 6, for example, A=6, B=12, C=18 etc. and you spell out "COMPUTER", it equals 666. A COMPUTER is evil. COMPUTERS plural is fine. Also, if you spell out MARK OF THE BEAST, you don't get 666, you get 846, BUT, if you spell out MARK OF BEAST you get 666. Sometimes you have to fudge the numbers to put the fear of God into people. If you try, "I LIKE HAVING SEX WITH BARNYARD ANIMALS" it equals 1914, which isn't 666, so knock yourselves out you sick perverted bastards.

Monday, May 15, 2006

A riddle

What is the difference between the self-serve checkout machine at the grocery store and an actual cashier?

The machine has more personality. (Get it?? Because the teenagers who work there are so miserable??)

Then, the people behind me in line wouldn't put anything on the conveyor until the divider was down. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT??? It seriously bugs me. I know what I chose, and I'm not going to let the cashier scan stuff that isn't mine. PUT THE DAMN GROCERIES ON THE CONVEYOR WITHOUT THE DIVIDER!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Capote (not pronounced "capoat")

This is me with my new movie.



I liked it so much I bought (and read) the book!



This is me reading the book!




Read it!

Friday, May 05, 2006

Holy Crap.

Has it been a week already? I bet you're all thinking, "He must have been planning quite the post." Well, if you were thinking that, you'd be wrong.

Anyways, first it was this honour and now this.

I consider myself more dashing than beautiful, but I'll take what I can get.

Since I'm running and swimming and biking so much, I probably won't update again for another week. Who would have thought that a triathlon would be so much work?