Monday, October 30, 2006

Happy "Dress Like a Hooker" day!

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Person 1 - "Hey there, nice bear costume."
Woman wearing lion costume - "It's not a bear!"
Person 1 - "Oh, sorry, nice hooker costume"

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Person 1 - "Let me guess, you're dressed up like a hooker?"
Woman in mountie costume - "No, I'm a Canadian Mountie"
Person 1 - "What a coincidence, I'm a Canadian Mounter"
Woman in mountie costume - "Huh?"
Person 1 - "Nevermind, here, have another drink."

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Person 1 - "What are you supposed to be?"
Woman in cat costume - "Can't you tell?"
Person 1 - "Well, judging by the rainbow coloured stripes, the leggings, and the short skirt, I'd say you were a stripper. Or a hooker, it could go either way."

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Did you ever wonder

What happens when you stand behind a horse you're branding?

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Tooth Fairy (spoiler alert!!)

I was reading Cindy's blog post about the tooth fairy and I recall that I had to get some teeth pulled when I was a kid. That very night I saw a $2 bill on the kitchen table before I went to bed, which seemed odd. So, I wrote the serial number down on a piece of paper, and then, the next morning I checked the serial number on the $2 bill that magically found its way under my pillow with the number on the piece of paper and lo-and-behold, they matched, thus proving that the tooth fairy doesn't exist! I was smart enough to know that no two bills had the same serial number, yet too dumb to know that there isn't some magical 'fairy' who gives kids money for teeth.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Paul's Book Club (not to be confused with Oprah's)

Don't read a book today!
This is a little different than Oprah's club. I haven't read this book, nor do I plan on ever reading it. Join my club, don't read this book!

Well, it's been a while since my last book club selection (see sidebar), so I hope nobody did anything dumb and read Dances with Wolves.

The next book in my club is "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" by Lynne Truss.

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This book is all about punctuation and how a simple comma can change the meaning of a sentence. For example, "Eats, shoots and leaves" means someone eats, then shoots someone and then leaves, which might be a good book (nah, I still wouldn't read it). "Eats shoots and leaves" is what pandas do, and quite frankly, I don't really care what pandas do (unless it's an amusing trick for my own personal amusement).

People, in general, I find, can't spell or use the correct punctuation, and they still get by, and probably make more money than I do, so picking apart someone's poor grammar is futile and frustrating. I'd rather not know that some idiot lawyer, or doctor doesn't know when to use an apostrophe or when to use it's or its. I don't know when to use a semicolon, and dammit, I don't care. I say, just use a damn period. People will know what you mean.

Anyways, join my club, don't read this book.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


Hmmm, what did I do you ask? Well, not much. I did however, make the second annual trek to pay tribute to the Jesus rock. It's still there, and it still looks nothing like Jesus (or at least nothing like how I think Jesus would look (ie. not covered in moss)). He's kind of a Chia Jesus. Just slap the chia seeds on Chia Jesus and watch the miracle that is life. All praise Chia Jesus!

I guess that's it. I will promise to update more, I've just been busy, yeah, busy. Busy being thankful for things, things like the Jesus rock, and play off baseball, and other crap that I won't bore you with.

Monday, October 02, 2006


Do you hear that?

I think that's the sound of a blog dying.

No, wait, it's that Nickelback cd I bought.