Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Paul's Book Club!! (Not to be confused with Oprah's)

Don't read a book today!
This is a little different than Oprah's club. I haven't read this book, nor do I plan on ever reading it. Join my club, don't read this book!

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The next book in my club is called, "Memoirs of a Geisha". Or, translated into layman's terms "Life Stories about being a Chinese Whore". What's that you're yelling?? Geisha's aren't Chinese, nor are they whores?? Well, maybe if I'd read it I would have known that. Christ, give me a break.

Also, from the cover, you can tell that it's in black and white. I hate books that are black and white. Sure, it's for dramatic effect, but if I'm reading a book about whores, I want it to be in colour dammit!

Anyways, the next book in my club is Memoirs of a Geisha. Join my club, don't read this book.

Thursday, May 26, 2005


I was reading Blog Ho's post about amnesia, and I figure if I had chronic amnesia like that guy in Memento, I'd be constantly checking my wallet to find out if I was Tom Cruise. If I was really smart, I'd actually change my name to "Tom Cruise" (or get a fake id with pictures I cut out of Entertainment Weekly or something) and put a picture of Katie Holmes in my wallet, so, even if I didn't remember, and even if I spent my entire sad pathetic existence just checking my wallet and then going "YES!!", well, at least I'd be happy. Then I'd think, "Why am I holding my wallet?" and then I'd think, "Hey, I wonder if I'm Tom Cruise!"

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Bad Photos II

Since I had such fun with the last bad photo I posted, I figured I'd post another one!! Remember, I am a gifted artist who takes pictures of flowers in dewy meadows and the sun shining through trees, I just choose not to post them. Why? 'Cause, well, everyone else does.

This is pure crap!

Check that out! Notice how the light and dark contrast really makes it hard to tell what I was taking the picture of, and I didn't even feel the need to center it. The saddest part is that the camera didn't just go off - I really wanted to take this picture. This one is so crappy that when the pictures were developed, it took me a minute to figure out what the hell it was. Again, I'll be impressed if you can tell what this is (and, yes, it's a subway, but why would I take a picture of a subway?).

Friday, May 20, 2005

Athlete and Snow Patrol

Haven't heard of them? I'm not surprised. Why did I pay money to go see them you ask? Well, for the exact same reason that I bought their cds. I have too much money. That and this -

1. Athlete - Wires

This is a great song, and because I don't generally listen to lyrics (mainly because they don't tend to make much sense, or they're just drivel with awkward rhymes that some moron threw together to complete a crappy song) I never realized how good this song really is. It's not about some girl he's trying to impress and/or sleep with, it's about - well, maybe I won't say. I'll force anyone who really cares to go look it up and appreciate it for yourself. Then you can go buy the cd and listen to the rest of it. It's all good.

2. Snow Patrol - Run

This is one of those rare songs that I just instantly really, really liked. Snow Patrol in general, I'd say is a pretty mediocre band, but Run might just be one of my favourite songs.

For a better review of the show, read my sister's entry and remember, even mediocre British bands are better than good North American ones.

We in Canada have a holiday on Monday, and I'm taking today off, so have fun at work, suckers!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Reality TV

I just had a few comments about the past week in reality tv (and it has nothing to do with Britney and Kevin, because I will never watch that show, ever.)

1. I used to really like the Amazing Race, but there's some question over how legitimate that whole last second airplane boarding was. It's tainted because it made for good tv, and, really, since when was reality tv about 'good tv'??

2. That tall skinny dork on Survivor who gave up his chance to win because the big manly fireman questioned his manhood is an IDIOT. I mean, COME ON! I'd sell any of you out for free t-shirt (like this one), let alone a million dollars!

"I need to go back home and feel comfortable with myself".

Right. It's important to feel comfortable with yourself after you establish yourself as the dumbest contestant on Survivor ever. If you're going to quit, why stand on a buoy for 11 hours and then quit?? Stephanie was equally dumb when she jumped off the pole to get half a pizza. Ever paid a million dollars for a pizza? She has.

Anyways, that's all the reality tv I watch, except for the Apprentice, and I'll predict that Kendra wins, because, well, she's hotter than that other one, and, well, is there really anything more important in business? Honestly, I'm asking, I don't know anything about business.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Monday, May 09, 2005


Are you tired of people posting their pictures online? Doesn't it annoy you that everyone thinks they're gifted in the art of taking pictures? Don't you think that one picture of the sun shining through the trees just looks like all the others?

Well, whatever. Anyways, I won't waste your time trying to convince you that I'm an artist. Take a look at this picture!

This picture is shit!!

Yikes, it's complete garbage! But it's not the sun shining through trees, nor is it a cat or dog or someone's kids. Actually, if you can tell me what that is and where I took it, I'll be impressed. (if you look to the sides you can see where I even screwed up the scanning! Do I suck or what?!?)

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Who said it??

I've developed a little game I call, "Who said it?"

Below are 2 quotes, one from Britney Spears and one from Franz Joseph Haydn. Can you tell which is which??? First to guess right gets a prize!!

"I wish my hair was thicker, and I wish my feet were prettier. My toes are really ugly. I wish my ears were smaller. And my nose could be smaller too.


"Often when I was wrestling with obstacles of every kind, when my physical and mental strength alike were running low and it was hard for me to persevere in the path on which I had set my feet, a secret feeling within me whipsered: 'There are so few happy and contented people here below, sorrow and anxiety pursue them everywhere; perhaps your work, may, some day, become a spring from which the careworn may draw a few moments, rest and refreshment.' And that was a powerful motive for pressing onward."

Thanks for playing!!

Monday, May 02, 2005

It was the least I could do.

Person1 - "Hey, thanks for helping me the other day."

Person2 - "No problem, It was the least I could do."

Why does this make sense? Shouldn't it be:

Person1 - "Hey, thanks for helping me the other day."

Person2 - "No problem, It was the most I was willing to do."


Person1 - "Hey you lazy piece of shit, you said you'd help but you didn't"

Person2 - "Hey, it was least I could do."

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Join Millions Around the Globe!! This is Jack Van Impe Presents!! (aired April 9)

I haven't done of these in a while, but I caught a minute on tv this morning and I was reminded why I love Jack so much. He's such a freak!

In case you didn't know, Dr. Jack Van Impe (pronounced "Impey") and his wife Rexella have a weekly tv show where they discuss important relevant global issues and then tell you where in the bible it says that it's a sign that Jesus is coming. And that you're going to hell.

1:30 - Some leader from the Salvation Army (100 years ago) said that one of the chief dangers of the 20th century was Christianity without Christ. I don’t know what ‘ianity’ is but I think it has something to do with guns and/or cancer.

2:22 - Jack says that anyone who believes that there is a heaven but not a hell is calling Jesus a liar. Some people just don’t want to believe that there’s a big nasty place that most people eventually will end up going to.

5:00 – Rexella says that the number of people who believe they can talk to the dead is on the rise. I’m not sure where they got the stats for that, but my dead uncle hasn’t mentioned many other living people trying to talk to him.

6:31- Jack is going to talk about Hell for a minute. Well, Jack was in a debate with some dudes one day, and apparently they were going to try to make Jack look like a fool (imagine that). Anyways, it’s a long story, and it’s not so good, so forget it. The moral of the story is that Jack loves the bible, and if you’re going to debate him, then you have way too much time on your hands.

11:00 - THE OFFER OF THE WEEK!! It’s the last week! It’s called, “Beyond the Grave”! Do people really travel to the third heaven (187 trillion billion miles into space) in 0.11 seconds? Well, my answer is no. You can use science to figure out that space goes on for a long time, but that same science will tell you that you can’t travel 187 trillion billion miles in 0.11 seconds.

18:31 – At the heart of the milky way galaxy lies a massive black hole. Rexella reads a bunch of articles about black holes. Jack is astonished at the size of these black holes and how they suck in all light and all energy around it. He then says that black holes are 25 billion degrees Fahrenheit, and that he’s not calling it hell (because the University wrote him up the last time he said that) but I really do think he thinks that Hitler and Stalin are stuck in a black hole somewhere.

27:00 – If you ever wondered if you ‘slept a little in your grave’ before going to heaven, then you're an idiot. That, and you might need the OFFER OF THE WEEK!!

28:00 – Rexella says, "None of us have the right to do as we please, unless we please to do right." Even then I’m not so sure that’s true. I pleased to do right when I started all those fires to keep away evil spirits, but the damn police still called it ‘arson’. What’s up with that?