Saturday, December 29, 2007

Miss Poor Judgement

Yes, it's true, I've posted two days in a row!

Miss France gets to keep her crown! Not that anyone really cares. I imagine she probably has more to gain (money-wise) by posing naked in suggestive photos than she does as Miss France or Miss Universe*. If I were Valerie Begue, I wouldn't want the title "Miss France" to tarnish my reputation as a slut.

Regardless, these are both clearly for advertisements.

This one is for "100% Pure Satan's spooge". Now in a can! Gone are the embarassing days of sucking off some guy who claims to be Satan, only to find out that he's just some homeless guy who lives in the alley.

This one is for the "Crucifixion Water Mattress". Can't walk on water? Well, try lying on the water in this new crucifixion water mattress! Christians everywhere will be dying to try out this new product!

* - Miss Universe should probably be called "Miss Known Universe" as there may be some pretty hot women (or aliens, I suppose) that we just don't know about. It's pretty arrogant of us to have a Miss Universe pageant when we don't even invite anyone from outside our solar system.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Tiger Attack!!

I've gone 31 years with no tiger attack, which, to borrow words from my girlfriend, "is about 10 years more than these chumps."

See? It's possible. You really have to be careful, especially when you know tigers are around.

The thing that annoys me is they shot the tiger. Tigers are endangered, morons are not. To look on the bright side, at least they'll have 4 more ashtrays in the giftshop.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Special K

Why is the Special K that you buy in the States different than the Special K that you buy in Canada? American Special K is flatter, like Corn Flakes while the Canadian version is rounder, like Rice Krispies. Wouldn't you think that it all comes from the same factory in China somewhere?