Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Why I hate garbage men people.

They have a job that consists of riding around on (or driving) a truck, picking up garbage, and, well, I guess that's it. Why can't they put my empty garbage can back upright with the lid on, or at least with the lid somewhere near the can, which, preferrably would be somewhere near my house?

I took a hidden video of it. (Garbage men, or refuse engineers, in Canada are all stick people.)

A few weeks ago the lid was gone entirely, and then last week the can ended up on the other side of the street. THEN, yesterday, they didn't even take the garbage at all! Maybe it was because it was raining and the can filled up with water because there was no FUCKING LID because THEY LOST IT. (I guess someone else could have taken it, but I prefer to blame the garbage people).

I had to go buy a new damn garbage can so some poor uneducated schmuck will do his (or her) damn job. It's not enough that my tax dollars pay their salary, but now I have to spend another $10?

My life is so tough.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I got have nothing.

I guess it's American Thanksgiving this weekend. We Canadians get screwed on our Thanksgiving as we only have a 3 day weekend. I guess we don't have as much to be thankful for. :(

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

All You Can Eat

The Applebee's next to my house has "All you can eat riblets" for $9.99. That's a lot for 2 riblets, isn't it? That's pretty smart of Applebee's though because you can't eat when you're in the washroom with explosive diarrhea.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Join Millions Around the Globe!! This is Jack Van Impe Presents!! (aired Oct 29)

In case you didn't know, Dr. Jack Van Impe (pronounced "Impey") and his wife Rexella have a weekly tv show where they discuss important relevant global issues and then tell you where in the bible it says that it's a sign that Jesus is coming. And that you're going to hell.

1:00 – Rexella comments that people name their children after rock stars and famous people. She says it’s been happening since biblical times though. Hey, I think she’s right. I once heard of a guy named John.

4:00 – Jack is amazed by science. The most distant cosmic explosion 12.8 billion light years from earth. That’s 77 sextillion miles!! Jack says this happened at the edge of the universe, where only a few miles further is where God lives. Jack is excited because he loves math, and I suppose he loves applying it. (Even if his math is wrong). I also love the fact that he uses this amazing science to prove his kooky theories about the rapture, but when that very same science tells you that you can’t warp through space ‘in the twinkling of an eye’ he doesn’t want to listen.

13:35 – Jack says that Osama Bin Laden has smuggled 48 suitcases containing nuclear material into the United States! Apparently, according to Jack’s contacts, they’re going to set off these suitcases at the same time in 7 different cities. He wanted them all in the same city, but he flew them in and that’s just where they ended up.

16:21 – Hey, they’re begging for money now. As much as I enjoy this show, I think I’d rather keep my money thanks. It’s a little embarrassing actually. He really is begging. Galatians 6 v 6 says “let him that is taught in Gods word communicate. Support him that teaches”
Translation: If you don’t send Jack some money, you’re going to Hell, and so is your dog and everyone you love.

19:25 – Testimonials! Wow, they have a bunch of morons endorsing Jack and Rexella. I’d kill to have a testimonial on that show. “Jack Van Impe has taught me about the bible. He has also taught me to hate Jews and gays, and well, any number of other heathens. While I’m hating, I’m not having any premarital sex, and well, that only makes the hating easier. Thank you Jack and Rexella, thank you.”

Now they’re concentrating on the late night crowd. Jack says, he wants to reach these “people who want to drown their sorrows in a bottle of liquor or overdose of drugs” Jack wants to give them Jesus! He could reach even more 'undesireables' if he advertised on porn sites! He's just not thinking hard enough.

27:00 – Rexella says that they have signed on with 27 of largest 31 cities in North America. I’ve never wished I was in Saskatchewan more than I do right now.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

I'm so very sorry.

I've been so busy for the past few days I haven't even had time to not read Dances With Wolves. Don't you hate it when someone isn't prepared for their book club meetings? I personally wouldn't know, because I'm not in a book club (that's why I'm asking you), but I imagine someone just sitting there not contributing because they couldn't manage their time well enough to read a damn book would be annoying.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Paul's Book Club. (Not to be confused with Oprah's)

Don't read a book today!
This is a little different than Oprah's club. I haven't read this book, nor do I plan on ever reading it. Join my club, don't read this book!

The next book in my book club is Dances with Wolves.

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It's a novel by some guy you've never heard of, and, if you pay close attention to the Hollywood scene, you might know that they made a movie out of it. Hey, look at that, it's right on the front of the book!

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Now, the fact that they tell you right on the front that this book has become a movie is probably supposed to say, "Read me because I'm so good that they made a movie out of me." To me it says, "Whoa there big guy, what are you doing reading when you could go on down to Blockbuster and be through with me in 3 hours?"

If that's not enough reason to put it down and go to the video store, read this little note.

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Well, that's all well and good, but what about the book!?? What about the book!??

Anyways, the next book in my club is "Dances with Wolves". Join my club, don't read it. While you're at it, don't watch the movie either (they shoot the wolf at the end. Or do they shoot AT the wolf? I don't remember).

Friday, November 11, 2005

Lest We Forget.

Because it's Remembrance Day (in Canada anyways) I thought I'd put up some pictures of my Vimy Ridge visit.

I'll spare you the lecture, but we do take a lot for granted, and it's always good to think about those who risked and lost their lives doing things we thank God we don't have to do.

Monday, November 07, 2005

2 Cheerleaders walk into a bar...

I personally question the health benefits of bar food, but cheerleaders look damn good and apparently they eat out at bars.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Photoblogging IV

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This picture is every bit as good as the others in this series. For those of you who don't know anything about photography, the true artist doesn't feel the need to center things in his pictures. You'll also notice that I included the flash in the picture. It represents life. You see, I was taking a picture of some fossils, so I felt that the contrast of living and dead, and light vs. dark captured in a photograph would make for a really powerful image. As usual, I was right. Please don't copy it without my permission, and if you want to buy a print, just let me know.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

I'm writing about my mail again. Man, I suck.

Well, I checked my mail again today, and this time I got a flier asking if I was interested in becoming a school bus driver. It says 'our cargo is extremely valuable' so it sounds like they're carrying boxes of watches or something on the side. Anyways, last week it was Tim Hortons, this week it's bus driving. Maybe there's a higher power trying to tell me something. Maybe I just live in a shitty neighbourhood. AND, I also got another Extreme Fitness ad. There's a scantily clad woman jumping on this one, but there's no money shot, so I guess it's alright. As a side-note, I sent Extreme Fitness an email about their other ad and they 'gave' me a free month at their gym. Anyone want a free month at Extreme Fitness? Just complain about their pornographic ads, it seems to work.