Wednesday, December 29, 2004

What are you doing New Years?

I don't like New Years, it's a pretty dumb holiday and just an excuse to get really drunk and make resolutions that we have no intention of keeping. Why wait until January first to get smashed and fool yourself into thinking you'll get off your lazy ass and do something? You can do that any day.

Anyways, having expressed my utter distaste for New Years, I resolve to do the following in the next year.

1. Join the gym. Notice I didn't say, "Go to the gym for an extended period of time", I just said join. I can almost write that off right now.

2. Take piano lessons. If Pretty Woman taught me anything, it's that inside every cheap, dirty hooker is a beautiful woman with a heart of gold. And that chicks dig guys who play the piano.

3. Get a six-pack. (Not at the beer store, although that would be easier).

4. Write a sitcom. How hard could it be?

5. Write, direct and produce a short film. How hard could it be?

6. Start smoking, and then quit. I'm sure it'll be the hardest thing I've ever done, but smoking is pretty dumb.

7. Finish at least one of the many books I've started to read but then quit. If anyone knows how "Horton Hatches an Egg" ends, please don't tell me. I'm thinking that Horton is hunted and killed by poachers, but I could be wrong.

8. Compete in a triathlon. No stupid comments, I really want to do this.

9. Ummm, paint my house? If anyone wants to help, please let me know. (By "help" I mean "Paint while I sit there and point out spots you missed.")

10. Be nicer. That's pretty weak but I suppose everyone could afford to be a little nicer. Be it holding a door open for someone, or helping an elderly person carry their groceries to the car, maybe shovelling the neighbour's walk, or brushing off their car on a particularly snowy day. Maybe buying flowers for someone for no reason, or maybe just telling someone how important they are to you with no ulterior motives. I'd say the world would be a better place if everyone was a little 'nicer'.

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