Poker

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 8586190

Flea Market

Last year (or maybe it was longer ago than that) I was at the local flea market - not really to buy anything of course, just to hang with the commoners. It helps keep me grounded. Anyways, I bought socks. That's right, 12 pairs for $11.99 - you really can't beat that, UNLESS you bargain the guy down to $10.99 by threatening to go to that other guy (who looks suspiciously like the guy you're talking to) to buy it from him. I'm quite the shrewd businessman, I don't pay more than 92 cents for a pair of socks. The point was, I've washed those socks at least 25 times and they still leave a load of fluff on my feet when I take them off. Where the hell does it come from? You'd think that there'd come a time when all the fluff that was going to come off has come off, and you'd think that it would only take a few washes to reach that point. Well, if you're one who'd think that, then you'd be wrong.

A riddle

What is the difference between the self-serve checkout machine at the grocery store and an actual cashier?

The machine has more personality. (Get it?? Because the teenagers who work there are so miserable??)

Then, the people behind me in line wouldn't put anything on the conveyor until the divider was down. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT??? It seriously bugs me. I know what I chose, and I'm not going to let the cashier scan stuff that isn't mine. PUT THE DAMN GROCERIES ON THE CONVEYOR WITHOUT THE DIVIDER!

Capote (not pronounced "capoat")

This is me with my new movie.



I liked it so much I bought (and read) the book!



This is me reading the book!




Read it!

Holy Crap.

Has it been a week already? I bet you're all thinking, "He must have been planning quite the post." Well, if you were thinking that, you'd be wrong.

Anyways, first it was this honour and now this.

I consider myself more dashing than beautiful, but I'll take what I can get.

Since I'm running and swimming and biking so much, I probably won't update again for another week. Who would have thought that a triathlon would be so much work?

The Bearded Series

The Bearded Pig - smallest torso and largest head of all pigs.



I now bring you "The Bearded Singer" - smallest torso and largest head of all singers.



and "The Bearded Actress" - smallest torso and largest head of all actresses.



I'm not saying they have beards, just that their heads are really friggin' big.

Special Features 2

Well, it's time for another sneak peek at some of the special features that you'll get when you join my exclusive blog club.

For example, did you know I interviewed Jack Van Impe? Here's a preview!




Also, witness the exact moment that my book club (see sidebar) was born!




And finally, watch me actually write blog posts!




Don't delay, join now!

3 things

I went to see Elbow at the Opera House last night. Damn, they were awesome. If Elbow is ever in town, I recommend that you go. Trust me.

I got an oil change etc. and I hadn't been since July (because, really, how often do you really NEED to change your oil? I'd say if they're telling you 3 months or 5000km, it's really at least twice that, AT LEAST.) Anyways, I couldn't admit to the guy that I hadn't changed the oil in 9 months, yet I don't have a problem telling the dental hygienist that I don't floss. What's up with that?

Finally, I joined the Running Room's Triathlon clinic. That's right, knock another one of those New Year's resolutions off the list (last year's list). Next stop, Iron Man.

Update!!

The problem is that I have nothing to write. I'm having, how you say, a lapse in creativity. Is it possible that after 2 years I have nothing more to contribute to the blogging world? I don't want to bore you with the menial details of my day, as that's not why I blog. Anyways, I feel 'bad' when I don't update for a long time because I'd hate to lose one of the 10 people who read this, but, what can you do? Maybe I'll start writing poetry.

when I consider the children
starving in africa
it makes me happy
because i'm not them.

Now, I'll tell you why this poem is great.
1) I didn't feel the need for capitalization or punctuation
2) I didn't feel the need to make it rhyme
3) It really makes you think.

That's a quick lesson in poetry for you. It's like taking a picture in black and white. It's a quick and easy way to disguise crap to make it look something other than crap.

It has been 2 years.

I forgot my blog's birthday/anniversary. It was last week. Now it's not talking to me and it's not being funny anymore. Stupid blog.

People are Cruel.

Whether it's seals or bulls or sharks or chickens or cows, I think the main point is, "People are cruel". I guess that's the problem with being so evolved as a species, some of us use it to take advantage of the weaker species for our own benefit while some use it to feel sorry for those of whom the cruel ones take advantage.

The world is way too fucked up to worry about the seals. Let's worry about people killing people first, then let's worry about the cute animals. Then, when that's all done, we'll move on to the ugly animals, THEN, if there's time, we'll stop killing the insects too. THEN, when that's all done, we'll stop walking around for fear of killing an ant and we'll stop breathing for fear of stealing the air from some other living thing that is just as deserving. Then, when we're all dead, the circle will start over and cruelest species will dominate once again until, of course, they start feeling bad about it.

New? I don't think so...

Since when did taking something out of something make it 'new'?



They just took the damn bacon out! Plus, since when were 2 free downloads a selling point? I get all the free downloads I want, and I don't have to buy "Pep-and-Baconless" Pizza Pops (but I do anyways).

Here's another "new" product that just seems to be new packaging.



They say it's EXTREME but it basically tastes like any other Excel gum. I did notice that what they are probably trying to pass off as electricity (it is called VOLTAGE afterall) looks a bit like sperm. Now there's an idea for a new product - Sperm gum!

Sugar Free Excel Ejaculate - For that right after a blow job feeling.

I have a few more ideas for 'new' products too. This is basically "Coke" but, taking a page from the Pillsbury book of new products, I've taken out the syrup and sugar. I call this, "New Coke Light".

And I think this is a real winner as well. Man, I'm just full of winning ideas.

Push the Fart Button, I Dare You...

Inspired by Corinna, I wrote my own quiz. No pushing, there's plenty of quiz for everyone.

Take that look from off your face.

How do you stand up for 2 hours, listen to loud noise that may or may not sound like you think it should, surround yourself with drunken idiots, pay $80 for it, AND, here's the kicker, not feel ripped off?



Oasis is awesome.

(photo courtesy of my sister)

A Day in the Life - Now with Special Features.

Well, because DVDs have bonus materials and special features that just serve to add another DVD and jack up the price, I figured that I should do the same thing with my blog.

If you become a member of my exclusive blog club, you'll be privy to such things as

Bloopers like this


Video Sharing at DropShots.com.

Audio commentary on posts (you can play it while reading any post).

Behind the scenes specials on the making of "A Day in the Life"

From my North Country post.


Video Sharing at DropShots.com

and


Video Sharing at DropShots.com

Trust me, it's worth it. If you join, you'll get hours of extra features and bonus materials. Don't be a chump, join today!

Update on updates

Sometimes I feel bad when I don't update for a while, but then I think that nobody really cares anyways, so that helps. I've been too busy watching the Tim Horton's Brier. For those of you who know what that is, shut up. I like it.

Costa Rica

Well, I'm back.

A few things about Costa Rica.

1. Some of the roads are so bad, it takes over an hour to go 20 km. There was a report of a taxi falling into a 2 meter deep pot-hole. This brings us to another interesting fact about Costa Rica. They refer to 'massive craters' as 'pot-holes'.

2. You can see animals in the wild, which is pretty cool.



I really wanted to see a jaguar, but, of course, they don't really want to be seen. They like to keep their private lives private. Just like celebrities. Just like celebrities! Once I made that important comparison, finding one was easy.




Just because you put a hat and sunglasses on, doesn't mean we can't tell who you are. Animals are so dumb, no wonder we catch and teach them to do silly tricks for our own amusement.

(I find it odd that that jaguar is a) driving a car, and b) has Britney Spear's baby, but, I imagine, if given the opportunity, Britney Spears would have sex with a jaguar. I imagine she's probably had sex IN a Jaguar, and FOR a Jaguar, I imagine WITH is a logical progression.)

"Hello, it's nice to meet you..."

When the Canadian women's hockey team were receiving their gold medals, the dude handing them out gave each of them a kiss on each cheek. What's up with that? Will that same guy kiss each of the men on the cheek when they're getting their medals? Of course not, he'd get his ass kicked. Even if a woman were handing out the medals to the men, I doubt that she'd kiss a team of sweaty men. Unless she's into that sort of thing.

Is that a tradition in Italy? If so, I'd like to start a Canadian tradition of grabbing a woman's chest as a polite way of introducing myself.

"Oh that Paul, he's so polite he used both hands! Canadians are so polite!"

This might not be up for long....

I saw Walk the Line on the weekend and I liked it so here's a video!

And, because I'm a big loser, I feel bad about violating YouTubes conditions and terms of use by posting copyrighted material. When people at work can't follow simple straightforward rules, I get extremely frustrated, and now, I've gone and done it, so I think I'll probably crack and remove it because I feel like a big hypocrite and I might not be able to sleep. Maybe the ghost of Johnny Cash will come to me in a dream and yell at me for stealing his song (or, I guess it's June Carter's song, maybe it'll be her ghost who'll yell at me.) Either way, this is probably coming down.

Is it Sunday already?

Well, it seems that I haven't updated this much at all this week. As they say, 'Time flies when you're having fun', and when you're not I guess, as last week went pretty quick.

I have a few thoughts though.

Women's hockey shouldn't be in the Olympics. YET. Canada and the US have teams that are too much better than everyone else. Canada beat Italy 16-0 and Russia 11-0. It's not competitive at all and kind of embarassing.

I buy heads of lettuce for my lunch sandwiches but I end up throwing most of it out. I don't feel bad about it though, because if you tossed a head of lettuce to a bum, or a starving person, they'd probably just toss it aside, because, really, who just wants to eat lettuce? Fucking ingrates.

I bought the DVDs for the first season of Kenny vs. Spenny. It's a Canadian show where 2 guys compete for stupid things and it's hilarious. If you ever get a chance to watch it, watch it. It is damn funny.

That's it.