Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Join millions around the globe!! This is Jack Van Impe Presents!!! (aired June 5)

In case you don't know, Dr. Jack Van Impe (pronounced "Impey") and his wife Rexella have a weekly tv show where they discuss important relevant topics and then tell you where in the bible it says that it's a sign that Jesus is coming. And that you're going to hell. This week's topic? Who knows? Same as every week.

1:00 - Whoa, Rexella is looking pretty good today. I think maybe she had some work done in the week. I don’t think the bible says, “Thou shalt not inject the fat from thine ass into thine face”, but shouldn’t it??

3:30 – Rexella lists some pestilences in alphabetical order. She starts with Ash Borer (which is killing trees in Michigan), then she says, AIDS. What friggin’ alphabet are you using, Rexella? “I” comes before “S” you dolt. Even if she knew that that “A” stood for “Acquired”, she’d still be wrong.

5:45 – Rexella says the bible is really up-to-date (because all these current events are described in the bible). It was up to date in the 40s too, but I don’t recall Jesus paying us a visit. She says it leaves nothing untouched. I personally think Rexella and Jack are both a little touched.

6:00 – 13:00 – Holy Crap. This is one huge rant. Bible passages spewed forth at a furious rate. He’s proving things left and right, arms flailing and everything. A must see.

22:00 – Jack’s prayer. Another good one. He’s so serious. Can’t help but laugh. The only thing sadder than being Jack, would be watching the show every week and then writing about it. Oh wait, no, that’d be cool...

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