Friday, April 01, 2005

Why I shouldn't go to Walmart

Change that to "Why I shouldn't go to Walmart alone"

Have you ever read The Weekly World News? Man, it's funny. Look at that cover! It turns out the talking cat, or "SpyCat" also writes poetry. I wish my cat talked. Actually, I'm glad my cat doesn't talk. "Hey Paul, feed me", "Hey Paul, clean the litter box once in a while", "Hey Paul..." Christ cat, shut the hell up.

I like this article too. It's about a psychic chicken. If I had a psychic chicken, I certainly wouldn't keep it someplace where a fox could get it, I'd keep it in a special chicken holder, that rotates slowly over an open flame.

Just to 'even it out' I thought I should buy some more intellectual reading material, so I picked up a National Geographic. It has some articles on tsunamis and killer whales. Killer whales are damn cool animals. It explains how they're really nature's biggest jerks (next to us, of course), and they hunt and kill lots of stuff including sharks. I'm slowly coming to the realisation that I'd be against placing them in captivity if they weren't so good at doing those cool tricks. I think it's only a matter of time before some poor whale trainer gets a taste of what poor Roy got. How is Roy doing anyways? I haven't heard anything in a long time. Did he kick it?

Anyways, on to the deodorant aisle. Hmmm, what's this? Tsunami GEL? I had to buy this. It's kind of funny that they call it "AXE DRY - Tsunami GEL"

Thanks to AXE, my pits are as dry as a TSUNAMI!

Almost $20 later I made it to what I'd gone to buy in the first place - this lint roller. Whoever thought of this is a genius. The lint just comes right off!

In closing, thanks to the endless variety of crap you can buy at Walmart, and my inability to resist purchasing crap that seems remotely interesting (or that mentions 'tsunami'), I'm going to go read some made up stories about talking cats, look at some pictures of naked aboriginals and try to find things that need delinting. I don't know what you're doing tonight, but I'm busy.

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