In case you don't know, Dr. Jack Van Impe (pronounced "Impey") and his wife Rexella have a weekly tv show where they discuss important relevant global issues and then tell you where in the bible it says that it's a sign that Jesus is coming. And that you're going to hell.
1:31 - Rexella reads some article about what it means to be a good father. It says that 'you need to take your children to church'. I think there's more to being a father than just taking your kid to church. Some might argue that pushing your faith on someone else and not letting them choose for themselves makes you a bad father. Some might argue that putting the fear of God into your young impressionable children is a subtle form of abuse. Not me though, I think church rules!
2:10 - Jack says his father was a night club owner and that he grew up in some of these 'joints'. I wonder if he met Rexella in one of these joints, it would explain the name. I wonder if her middle name is Sahara, or Alexis. Maybe Porsche, or Sapphire, or even Porshe-Alexis. He then, in not so many words, says his father was pretty strict, and didn't have any problems smacking Jack around when he got out of line. No worries though, he mellowed in his old age and he was filled with the spirit! Just like all those nights when Jack's dad would come home filled with whatever spirit he could get his hands on accompanied by some trashy hooker he stumbled across on the way home.
3:33 - Rexella congratulates the Detroit Pistons. Huh? Where did that come from? Well, Detroit wasn't greedy or selfish, they played as a team, and they won!! The Lakers were a little cocky. They were egotistical and it was time someone 'brought them down a notch.' Ok, here it is!! GOD HATES THE SIN OF PRIDE. The Lakers were proud, so God hates them, and they lost! Ha! Take that Shaq! Or should I say, SATAN!!! The only difference, I'm sure Satan can hit a free-throw. And Satan probably has smaller feet. Comparing Kobe to Satan? Like shooting fish in a barrel.
6:16 - Rexella says that Ronald Reagan stands out as one of history's great people. Reagan believed that Armageddon was coming!! And he might see it in his lifetime!! He was right! It came alright, I don't know if he saw it, but I did, and it sucked.
12:00 - The OFFER OF THE WEEK!! Blah, blah, still that stupid movie about the tribulation. Rexella asks if I noticed that Stephen Baldwin and some other movie stars were in it. Yes, I noticed Stephen Baldwin, but I didn't notice any movie stars.
15:41 - Math made easy by Jack. Sept. 11, 2001 - 10 planes were supposed to go up, only 4 did. Had the other 6 gone up then they would have hit the tallest buildings in California, Washington, the Statue of Liberty and hit all the nuclear plants. Ok, let's assume that there are 2 buildings in each of California and Washington, plus the Statue of Liberty, that leaves one airplane to hit all 65 nuclear sites in the States at the time. That would be one magic airplane. Maybe Al Qaeda has such an airplane!! Maybe we should all build bomb shelters and become overly paranoid trying to protect ourselves from such a weapon. That quiet guy down the street?? He's part of the magic airplane plot. Trust me on this one, get him, before he gets you!!!
17:00 - A bunch of gibberish about weapons of mass destruction. Blah, blah, blah.
27:00 - Finally, Rexella wants me to invite you all to watch the show. Ok, fine. You should watch the show. What the heck, buy the video while you're at it.