Thursday, July 15, 2004

Ooooh, a request!

So, I don't think I'll make a habit of taking requests, but we'll see how this goes. "Hey Paul, why don't you write about cats and dogs??" Ok. Fine (clears throat).

Cats are better than dogs. You might ask, "Why?" Well, I'll tell you. Dogs are stupid. You can train a dog to chase a stick, and then throw that stick into traffic, and the dog will chase it. What's up with that?? Now, before you say, "But you can't even train a cat!". Well, that's true, but you're assuming that trainability is a good thing. It's not. It's an indication of a feeble mind that can be manipulated. Cats do what they want, when they want, and they don't really care if you're around. That's my kind of pet.
Egyptians thought cats were godly, and they mummified them along with their kings. What did the Egyptians do with dogs?? We don't know, because if you can build a huge pyramid out of massive rocks, you don't waste your time on a dog. Another solid point, tigers are bigger and stronger than (hmmm, I'm trying to think of a tiger-equivalent dog) dingos. Tigers run around the jungle killing and eating big animals, while dingos run around Australia eating people's babies. What kind of a sick animal eats a baby??
Now, before you attack my argument, I took critical thinking, and I know it's concrete. And, I also know that Egyptians mummified dogs as well, and they also used them for hunting (I can look it up on Google as easily as you can). Regardless, training a feeble-minded animal to serve humans makes it useful, but still stupid.
I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with dogs, I was just catering to a request to write about them.

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