Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Join Millions Around the Globe! This is Jack Van Impe Presents!! (aired April 17)

In case you don't know, Dr. Jack Van Impe (pronounced "Impey") and his wife Rexella have a weekly tv show where they discuss important relevant topics and then tell you where in the bible it says that it's a sign that Jesus is coming. And that you're going to hell. This week's topic? Who knows? Same as every week.

Jack says that a 104 year old parrot, described as ‘Nazi cursing’ may not get into heaven. I’m not sure why he says that, especially since he’s been pushing that Animals in Heaven DVD for the past few months. Actually, Jack has mentioned parrots in previous shows. Hmmm, parrots are animals that just regurgitate possibly meaningless words or sentences and don’t really have any intelligent thoughts at all. They just repeat the same things over and over again, whether it makes sense or not. I think Jack and the parrot have a lot in common.
Jack says that sales of the Animals in Heaven DVD will beat all records in history. I don’t think so Jack. Deep Throat probably sold more copies….

Jack spends a lot of time this episode bashing pastors and ministers who maybe stray a little bit from the conventional way of preaching. They introduce ‘fun’ things to try to draw people in, and maybe focus less on all the hell and sin talk. Jack claims they’re all going to hell, and they won’t be born again with talk like that. Well, Jack, I think you’re an idiot. If you’re going to focus your displeasure at a group, why not make it a group who doesn’t even go to church? Or people who kill people? That’s arguably worse than a minister who doesn’t teach exactly what you do… Dork.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK??? Where was god on 9/11?? Who knows? Probably watching CNN like the rest of us.

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