This is Jack Van Impe Presents!! (aired May 15, 2004)

In case you don't know, Dr. Jack Van Impe (pronounced "Impey") and his wife Rexella have a weekly tv show where they discuss important relevant topics and blah, blah, you know the rest...

Rexella is talking about some letters she has received about the Animals in Heaven DVD. Oooh, there’s a little cat curled up on the DVD. What does that mean? Nothing at all, cats’ll lie on any old piece of crap. Jack quotes some passages about “all flesh shall see the salvation of God”, and Animals have flesh so they'll be in heaven. That’s a bit of a stretch Jack. Murderous killers have flesh too. Will they see the salvation of God???

3:00 - Rexella shows some political cartoons about Kerry and Bush. They’re not funny. But wait!! Jack says something funny. He says when he was in college he decided to memorize the dictionary but he only got through “A”. That’s ok though because “if his annunciations and articulations are abundantly augmented by “A” one will allude to his association with Webster’s amalgamation of alphabetical arrangement and automatically alter his approach.”!! Ha! That’s funny, because he used a bunch of big “A” words and anyone who argued with him would think he knew a lot of other big words starting with other letters as well and then they’d think twice about questioning him! Funny! Rexella is really enjoying this, although I can’t help but think that she’s probably heard that one a thousand times before.

14:30 - “End times preaching is religious terrorism”. 7 things that promote religious terrorism is the article. Jack is going to comment on each one!!
1. The Anti-Christ.
2. The Armageddon.
3. The End times.
4. The Final Judgement.
5. The Rapture.
6. The Tribulation.
7. The Revelation.

Jack basically says that if all that says, “terrorism”, then the bible is a terroristic book. I’m a little disappointed in his rebuttal. I guess maybe because he found some bible passages relating to each one, we’re supposed to come to the conclusion that it’s not religious terrorism it's just the way it is.

Question of the week. Please comment on the “Rapture Racket”. Well, Did John Darby and ‘some retarded girl’ come up with the idea of the rapture in 1830? (He actually referred to her as 'some retarded girl', I don’t know if she actually was retarded, or if Jack just doesn’t think much of her) Jack says that is so much baloney!!! Jack goes on to prove his point in the same old way. Since the word ‘rapture’ doesn’t appear in the bible, he has to interpret a number of passages in a goofy sort of way and of course the conclusion is that he’s right, everyone else is wrong, so PRAISE JESUS all you heathen, soon-to-be-sent-to-hell-for-all-eternity ignorant bastards!!

Back to the crappy offer of the week. Something about the holy spirit. Rexella says I need it. I’m not sure I do, but I don’t like them threatening me. That sounds like religious terrorism to me...