Saturday, May 08, 2004

Van Helsing!!

Don't go see this movie! I implore you. It is CRAP. Words can't really express how bad this movie is. Well, some words can, for example, awful, abominable, amiss, atrocious, awful, bad, beastly, blah, bottom out, bummer, careless, cheap, cheesy, crappy, cruddy, crummy, defective, deficient, diddly, dissatisfactory, downer, dreadful, erroneous, fallacious, faulty, garbage, ghastly, god-awful, gross, grungy, horrid, icky, imperfect, inadequate, incorrect, inferior, junky, lousy, not good, off, pathetic, poor, raunchy, rough, sad, scuzzy, shockingly repellent, slipshod, stinking, substandard, the pits, terrible, unacceptable, unsatisfactory.

Having said that, there were a few good things about this, wait, there weren't. It just plain sucked. No plot, no dialogue, bad editing, bad directing, bad special effects. It appears that minimal effort was put into making this movie decent. The fact that it's going to make money makes me sad.

I give it 1/10, simply because Kate Beckinsale is so hot. If it were just her sitting in a chair reading for 2 hours, I'd give it a 3/10. It'd still be weak on plot and dialogue, but you wouldn't want to gouge your eyes out when it was over.

In case you don't believe me:

Sucky Review 1
Sucky Review 2
Sucky Review 3

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